“Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7 NKJV

Our mirrors reflect the outward appearance; God’s mirror reveals the inward condition.

We need to also let ourselves see our own heart, and then allow God’s healing and cleansing power to free us from all the grief, pain, and guilt we’ve lived with unnecessarily.

In a Lenten meditation entitled “Temptations” Henri Nouwen says, “Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity or power, but self-rejection.”*

A lady I know whom I’ll call Bertha, had rejected her true self. She came to believe that the feeling, alive, able-to-feel-pain little person who was left alone in physical pain and terror, had to be rejected because she was in pain and expressing her pain in her tears and screaming. Her mother could not cope. Her mother could not calm her. Her mother abandoned her to her pain. As a result, self-rejection occurred and she lost herself, she became disconnected from the feeling little baby she had been, and in consequence she lost her emotions.

Bertha learned that the expression of emotion (pain) was not acceptable and if she expressed emotion she would be abandoned and left in her pain. So, that feeling/expressing part of herself was rejected and she became what she believed was acceptable. And this became so entrenched that even though she wanted to feel again she couldn’t. The journey out of this self-rejection has been long and arduous for her, like climbing up out of a deep deep straight-sided mine shaft. It’s a journey she had to pursue if she wanted to be free and able to feel again.

We prayed through many layers of the abandonment event where the self-rejection took hold. My sense has been that the event was so painful and the resulting trauma so great that Jesus in great mercy and compassion was very gentle and kind in his dealings with this wounded part of her heart.

*Neilsen, Mark. ed. 2003. Renewed for life. Daily meditations from the works of Henri J. Nouwen. USA: Creative Communications for the Parish. First Sunday in Lent. Meditation quote from Nouwen’s “Life of the beloved,” 1992. The Crossroads Publishing Co.

I come across a lot of sadness in people as I pray with them. On the surface they may put on a happy face but deep down there’s an incredible sadness. Generally, people aren’t dealing with their sadness, they’re just covering it up. They’re afraid to allow themselves to feel the sadness (to visit it, to look at it, to acknowledge how sad they are) for if they did they would start to weep much like rain in a downpour. They fear starting to weep and then never being able to stop.

Jesus wants to comfort the brokenhearted. That’s one of the reasons he came, sent by Father God (take a look at Isaiah 61:1-2). He wants to heal people’s sadness; all the things that bring deep grief — lost innocence, broken hearts, destroyed hopes, wounded bodies, wounded spirits — much of it locked away from our conscious awareness. Many people don’t know how sad they are, they’ve worn an safe exterior face for so long they just don’t know how really sad they are.

What to do?
1. Realise that whilever it’s locked away inside, that’s where it will stay; and it will pop out inappropriately when you least expect it.
2. Pray a simple prayer asking Jesus to go with you into that sad place and show you the root of why you are so sad.
3. If possible, allow yourself to feel the sadness. Don’t pretend about anything.
4. Pay attention to whatever Jesus shows you concerning the root of the sadness. He wants to comfort you and take the sadness to himself. Ask him to do so – it might even help you to hand it over to him.
5. Sit quietly and listen for anything he wants you to know about that root of sadness. You may experience a deep peace, you may have an interior picture of him doing something.
6. Thank him for what he’s done.

It is possible that the root of your sadness is too big for you to look at on your own. In such a case I’d encourage you to have a trusted friend with you who is willing to journey with you through the sad place. If your sad place is a place of much trauma you probably will need to seek help from an experienced and trained counsellor. Where this is the case, don’t put off seeking help.